Grief and the Mystery of Life

People in the spiritual community are sometimes confused about grief and the passing of loved ones and how to deal with it. They feel that they have to visualize perfect health in order to heal the person, come up with all kinds of last minute healing methods to prolong life, or they feel that they have to do something to hasten the departure and not do anything to hold onto the loved one.

In my experiences in life, I feel that it is better to be honest with our feelings than try to fit them into a preconceived “spiritual” mold. We feel what we feel, so it is better to look at it than try to cover up and live in hypocrisy.

When my father passed away, I grieved, in some form or another, in some intensity or another, for five years. I noticed that after five years, the sting of grief left me and instead, I felt the joy of remembering my father. I felt that it was a natural process for me and I learned so much by letting myself go through this without feeling guilty or less of a disciple because I was feeling the pain of separation. I felt that those who said they were so joyful because of the loss were simply living a lie. It is not that simple! Grief is a complex mystery that we can understand by going through it.

I think it is very natural to feel grief. As we learn more about the Greater Life, our grief does not have to hold onto the departing one, yet we do naturally feel the pain of separation. We are in fact giving back to the whole of life, to a new life and new future, someone with whom we spend a lifetime. That person is part of the very fabric of our life, even impressed into our permanent atoms and chalice. As a loved one goes through the separation process, part of us is also experiencing the separation from this material plane and the birth onto the spiritual plane. If we let ourselves, we will also experience the mystery of life and the process of life in many levels.

I feel that there is a very natural and useful form of grief and we can aspire toward that so that the energies of change do not create blockages inside of us, but flow through us. We learn about life, about detachment, about the mystery of living by birth, life and marriage and children, death, and rebirth. We learn about angelic help and healing when we are in most need. Death is such a mystery that grieving teaches us about it. Who can describe death to us? Yet in grieving, we learn a little about it. Constructive grieving helps us appreciate life, the Other Worlds, the continuity of life, and the blessings of life.

To me grief has many stages and it is worthwhile to observe them and see how our human and soul consciousness deals with these stages. We become so much more compassionate, loving, forgiving, and humble when we experience the pain of loss and grief. We can feel the pain that so many others go through every day in one part of the world. This makes us human and makes us unite our heart with the hearts of others. It opens up compassion in us and even a blessed state of forgiveness.

I feel that we should not deny our feelings. In addition, we should have the presence of mind to observe ourselves and see how grieving is affecting us, our life, and how it is in turn expanding us.

To me this is the reality of discipleship path. It is hard, it takes feelings, it takes grief, it takes honesty to say how we feel and not put ourselves down for it. Denial of feelings does not make us advanced or accomplished; it is more of living a lie. It is trying to be so holy and perfect that you forget your humanity.

I believe that the Spiritual Teachings of the Ancient Wisdom are not meant to deny our humanity but to help us learn the mysteries of life through experiencing all the feelings of life.

For more about this topic, please see the following books by Torkom Saraydarian:

The Subconscious Mind and the Chalice (lots of information about the Chalice and Permanent Atoms.
Other Worlds (Lots of information about Subtle Planes of existence and the journey of the soul)
The Science of Becoming Oneself (lots of information about dealing with our physical, emotional and mental bodies.)